added pressure

I feel like there's a little bit of added pressure these days since now this is blog is linked through my facebook "notes". Whatever those are. I have to dig deep to find wit and insight so that everyone reading this will feel like they will have wasted just as much time as I have when I wrote it.

There's added pressure everywhere though. No more undergrad. I'm taking 2 more classes than what is recommended. Having a masters will probably lead to more pressure to perform better in the real world. Then there's the ever present: 1209 peer pressure.

Oddly enough, the aspect of my life where I feel the least pressure right now is where I almost used to feel the most pressure. Being single was full of--Does he, doesn't he/Would he be good for me/Does he seriously wear briefs/Where am I waking up and who are these people/Is it awkward/Does he have baggage/Is he going to cramp my style/What if I get too drunk tonight and make out with someone and completely, horribly, regret it/Who's going to make sure I don't end up busting my teeth in a drunk stupor. In relationships, I'm used to--Am I entertaining enough/Is he settling/Is he going to run away when he meets my crazy ass friends/Am I someone he respects/Is he secretly hooking up with one of my friends/What's going to break us up/Am I ignoring him by accident at a party/When is he going to realize that I'm retardedly lazy. At this point, as many people are finding out, I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that I am with someone who is the best for me than I've ever been with. I tried to avoid it for so long. My experiences in the last two years of my college career left a bad taste in my mouth. I swore never to let anyone else in who could potentially ruin me the way I had been ruined. I committed to not committing. I pushed people away who could've been good for me. One stuck around to deal with all my bullshit. The drunken phone calls that ranged from noon til 3am, the stupid decisions I constantly made that only hurt me more, the evident baggage, the constant declaration of my singledom despite how you treated me. It's the first time I've never had these random ridiculous questions running through my head at any given time. Things are good. I guess we'll see where it goes.

Again with the theme of always breaking even.